* Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
* If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
* On critics: "They search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find."
* By increasing the size of the keyhole, today's playwrights are in danger of doing away with the door.
* The habit of religion is oppressive, an easy way out of thought.
* I believe that the Jews have made a contribution to the human condition out of all proportion to their numbers: I believe them to be an immense people. Not only have they supplied the world with two leaders of the stature of Jesus Christ and Karl Marx, but they have even indulged in the luxury of following neither one nor the other.
* Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.
* Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night
* World government is not only possible, it is inevitable; and when it comes, it will appeal to patriotism in its truest, in its only sense, the patriotism of men who love their national heritages so deeply that they wish to preserve them in safety for the common good.
* Playwrights are like men who have been dining for a month in an Indian restaurant. After eating curry night after night, they deny the existence of asparagus.
* Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are solved.
* To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
* Terrorism is the war of the poor, war the terrorism of the rich – 2003
* Life is unfair but remember it is unfair in your favour.
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